her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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