so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
