One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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