It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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