Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
