The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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