Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
