Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
