i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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