morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
