How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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