you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
