please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i already hear my dad disowning me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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