it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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