ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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