Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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