doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
