Already got asked if we're dating
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
