Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
