ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
