sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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