You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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