That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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