I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
