pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
