dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
