We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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