I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
