I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
