I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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