I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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