did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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