he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
