Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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