I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
