So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
