so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
