I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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