Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
