i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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