i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
