The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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