is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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