Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
