OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize