Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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