Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
