Don't make out with my wife yet
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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