How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
