I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This house was built for laser tag.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
