she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
