I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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