I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
