Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
