ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
