The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
