Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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