You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
