He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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