I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
