i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
