I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
