YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
