Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
