I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
