OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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