Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
