That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
