News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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