You're my little dorito
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
