Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
