Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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