At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Someone came in the potted fern
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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