you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
