The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
