Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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