i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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