i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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