I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
