What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
