he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
