So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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